Halloween Sunday

Today was a pretty nice day. Once again didn't sleep well last night...I have no clue why, all signs pointed to a great night of sleep, but I was restless and I couldn't shut off my brain computer. But anyway, luckily I didn't have to do much all day except for go for a nice easy bike ride with my sister, buy and carve pumpkins (more on this later), and drink yummy foreign beers and eat fantastic and cheap mussels at a place called Smokeless Joes. We ate 5 pounds of muscles. We are nononsense muscle eaters...the mussels arrive, and my guess is that a pound of mussels disappeared in about 2 minutes. The whole 5 in 10. And the beer...wow, I had this German Festbock...soooo good, nice and dark and very tasty, with a slight buckwheat honey flavour. Unfortunately the second beer I had was an English one called Bombardier. I thought this was very appropriate, as I'm an aerospace engineer, and what with Bombardier being a major aircraft company. Too bad it didn't have much taste.

Anyway, the pumpkin carving was fun. As per family tradition, we had 3 pumpkins, one per sibling, only one of them was actually a butternut squash so it was a bit unconventional, and unusually green and small. One of our pumpkins was a wolf howling in front of a big moon, and the butternut squash was a standard face (due to its small size limiting artistic creativity). And mine had the greek letter Pi in it!!! I thought it was a pretty funny pun, however most people don't seem so amused. I am really into puns. For lots of really great puns, go here:
http://www.pungents.com/

ok...that's it for today.
ciaociao

can't think of a title

Well, it's been a pretty decent week. Did a lot of climbing (monday, wednesday, today which is saturday). Started running again. Didn't get much work done, I was feeling a bit sick and tired all week, starting tuesday. Thursday night I had my Swing lesson, it was a lot of fun...I got an email address of a nice girl from the lesson, hopefully we'll go Swing dancing some time. Friday night was a nice nerdy evening with my lab coworkers, at an Indian restaurant. Very nice. That's pretty much it for this week. Monday is Halloween, we're having a pumpkin carving contest...I am going to carve the nerdies pumpkin of all, it's going to be a Pumpkin Pi!

I missed my ex a lot today. I guess about once a week I really miss her a lot. Sometimes for a couple days in a row. I kept on seeing other girls that remind me of her today too, which didn't help. I wish she were still here...

I was looking at job postings in New York City today. Once I am done my masters, I CAN go there...one of the postings was for someone exactly with my skills in a consulting company...I wonder if I should try doing something along those lines? If my ex is still single when I go there, I know it would work again...

Fate?

I was chatting with a friend today who said something that made me think:

Everything happens for a reason.

Is that true? Or do things just happen at random, completely irrationally? It seems to me that if everything happens for a reason, then there would have to be some kind of overall plan for everyone. Then that would imply that there is someone making that plan, and this is in contradiction with my belief that there is nobody to do that. So the conclusion for now is that not everything happens for a reason.

But that also brings up the definition of a reason. Reasons given for something to occur can be logical (or illogical) and so these would be the cause of the event. So can a reason relate to anything occuring after a certain event? I would say no. Things do not occur because of something that will happen in the future. For the proper meaning to be expressed by the expression above, then it should be:

'Everything happens for a result'.

This says that some event which had real reasons to occur has results that are as yet unknown and may or may not be desirable. So then everything does happen for a reason, only not in the sense that the expression indicates. It seems to imply that everything happens for some predetermined outcome in life, that being the reason, which makes no sense at all. From this point of view then the expression doesn't say anything about a divine being or anything, since obviously everything does happen for some reason that is real NOW or before the event. My previous paragraph about the expression contradicting my belief that there is no divine being is false. The expression says nothing of the sort.

That's what I think about that. Why did I think about that? Well I was wondering what could possibly be the 'reason' for recent events in my life, besides the obvious ones that were given by those involved. The idea that one of these reasons could be something later in life directly related to this event seemed highly improbable, and I actually kind of hurt my head trying to think of what the hell that could be!! I don't think there is any way to predict what could possibly be the outcome of these events, whether anything in my life later is directly related to them (I think it is safe to say that SOMETHING in my life will be related to it), and whether or not related events are good, bad, or neither. There is no point in trying to imagine what will happen because of this event because there are just too many variables and too many things that CAN happen. I just have to live my life in the present, controlling things that I can based on decisions that I make, and try not to worry about things beyond that. I have to stop thinking of what could have been, or how I would like things to be, and focus on what I can make happen. I can still think of what has happened and try to make myself a better person based on that, but there is no point in moping because things didn't turn out the way I wanted.

Having said this, it is still going to take some time for me to get over things, which you know about if you've read nearly any other post in my blog. I told the lava girl that I couldn't commit to anything...I feel really bad about having even met her. She seemed pretty disappointed about it (although it's hard to judge that over MSN). It's not fair for me to see anyone right now because I am still thinking about someone else, and until then I am going to abstain from any attempts at picking up or meeting anyone. This is the most logical course of action.

Some more mundane things: Went to a friend's b-day bash at Gypsy Co-op, pretty nice place, good times. Saturday I went climbing and swing dancing at night, also good times. Finally, we had family friends over for the night and for brunch which was pretty nice, and then I went for a run at the gym...no more biking, it's rainy and cold. And also studied PIC micro controllers for a bit...ugha....although it's pretty interesting.

I found a neat series of games on my exes blog, it's SOO much fun! There are two that I've played, Tontie, and Grow Cube. Tontie is like whack-a-mole that you see at local fairs, and Grow Cube is a completely original game that it's hard to compare with anything else. Both fun and horribly addictive. Go here, and prepare to waste a LOT of time!
http://www.eyezmaze.com/tontie/v1/index.html

Ciao for now.
bitbs

Never Ending Story

Oi...I don't know if this is normal...I suppose it is. I've thought about my little lava date I went on last Monday a bit more, and realized I don't think it's a good idea for me to date anyone yet. It wouldn't be fair to the other person. The date made me realize that if I start seeing someone else, I will only be thinking of my ex more... The point is, last date made me realize that if I see anyone now, it will be hard because I still will be thinking how much better it was before. And it really was. It was sooo easy. Soo relaxed. So natural.

It is taking me way too long to get over this. Maybe I never will, and I will just have to get used to thinking of her on every date I go on, until maybe some day I can go to where she is and start again. When I talk about the situation and how it turned out with friends, I still get choked up. Unbelievable, that I still feel like this.

Another decent weekend

Last weekend was fun and action packed. After my last post, I got off my butt and went out to meet some people at a bar for some swing dancing. It was pretty good, as I'm remembering all the moves that I once knew! There were fewer people than I expected in the group I was going to meet (i.e. one girl and one guy), but it turned out ok. Didn't stay for long, since I had to get up the next morning to go to....

The Bike Show! and the Ski Show!! The bike show was insanely packed...this is the fall one which only happens for one day (the spring one is spread over three) so all the people that would normally be spread over three days end up coming in one and it is absolute chaos with no room to move. I bought 4 pairs of socks and a pair of biking gloves, 50% off. Then I moved on to the ski show, and found a pair of Rossignol B2s for $400!! What a deal! I couldn't believe it. Now I have my dream skis! so I'd better get my Blue Mountain seasons pass some time soon (before Oct. 24th).

After all that excitement, I went rock climbing with my friend, which was fun even though I suck. When I came home I cleaned up my bike for the race on Sunday, and then ate dinner with parents and some guests they had over...YUMMMMMMY! And finally, another friend invited me to the Mod Club afterwards, which was also pretty interesting.

Then Sunday was my last University Cup Mountain Bike Race ever! And I'm happy to say that I did pretty well, finishing 7th of all riders eligible for series points, and 6th overall over the whole season. I also beat most of the people that I had been close to for the previous races, and nearly caught some guys that I never used to be close to. So overall it was a very satisfying race and day. On the way back in the bus, we amused ourselves with riddles, which is frustrating while also being fun.

That was the weekend...yesterday, I worked as usual, but also went to meet a girl that I have been communicating with in Lavalife, for coffee, a walk, and then dinner. It was pretty nice I guess, we seem to get along and stuff...but still I think of my ex, even in the middle of a date with someone else! It's pretty annoying. I don't know if it's going to work out with this girl, but who knows...I guess I need to start seeing other people anyway. The most annoying part is going through the 'get-to-know-you' phase all over again. It is so much work, and so stressful. Things are so nice once you know them already.

Bah.

Fridays

Friday nights are when I miss her the most... :-(

Tired

Last night i went Swing dancing for the first time in over 2 years. I signed up a month ago or so for the university Swing dancing society, and I've been receiving their emails about the dance lessons they have Thursday nights, and finally I made it out to one. I had forgotten how much fun Swing dancing is! There was a surplus of girls (one or two really cute ones), and the teacher was really great! I think I'm going to go back next week and the week after, and hopefully join them for some social dance nights, which will be great, especially now that mountain biking is coming to an end.

Speaking of which, I will also be starting climbing again for the same reason, down at the local climbing gym. I haven't been in months, and I think I'm a lot weaker for it. It'll be good for me to do another sport for a change, although I can't say that I'm tired of biking (will I ever be? probably not).

Even with several interesting girls I've met recently, I still think of my ex a lot of the time. It's pretty annoying, and I can't seem to do anything about it. I look for her traits in other girls. I still look to see if she's online on MSN all the time, and then I don't talk to her when she is, because she apparently doesn't want to talk. Why did it have to turn out this way??!! Why must I still miss her so much... :@

As to the title of this post...well because of all these things, biking, dancing, thinking, working, waking up early, not sleeping well, I'm pretty tired by the time Friday rolls around. At least I have the joy of knowing that tomorrow I might buy a new pair of skis at the Ski Show!

hills! woohoo!

I have just recently re-discovered that, although it sounds masochistic, riding up hills on my bike many times in a row as fast as I can is incredibly good for me! Sure, it hurts, and I can barely push my bike up those last few metres at times, but the next time I go out it will be a little tiny bit easier, and other hills during the course of a normal ride seem so much easier and faster!

I've known about this technique for years, but I periodically forget about the beneficial effects that it has...I'll do hills for a couple weeks, get faster, and then just kinda stop doing them, as though I were satisfied with my new speed. But what I didn't think of before is that as it gets easier to climb the hill more times, I should gradually shift to harder and harder gears, while maintaining the same cadence. That way, when it comes to race time, I will be able to either fly up hills in a nice high gear as though it were nothing, or spin really quickly without getting tired. The hill workouts should also help me recover much more quickly from the BURNINATING of my legs!

ah, Burninating...good ol' Trogdor. If you haven't tried it out yet, it is a perfect way to waste tons of time mindlessly while at work, as long as your supervisor doesn't walk in on you singing while you play. Go here, TROGDOR!!! and you will CONTROL the glee of the satanic peasant stomping thatch roof burninating DRAGON! What fun, although seemingly written by a five year old, or a bored programmer with the maturity of a five year old.

On another note, Thanksgiving dinner turned out really yummy in the end, despite the s'gobbling (a lame attempt at a pun on the word squabbling). I didn't gorge myself as I usually do, which was nice for a change, and there is TONS of turkey left for sandwiches next week. We decided to compare the nasty butter-injected to the nice natural normal dead turkeys. The normal one was MUCH better. They must only use the somewhat tougher turkeys for the butterball in an attempt to mask the hideously tough and tasteless quality of the turkey. (alright, it wasn't THAT bad, but the normal one was noticeably more tasty and tender, with identical cooking conditions and basting techniques etc.)

Ok, that's all for today. Hope you have been somewhat entertained.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving, and any other family event in which we invite people over, is a horribly stressful event in my house. It really shouldn't be, but everyone starts yelling and stressing out and making big deals over the stupidest things. I really can't stand it. It also doesn't help that I've been feeling pretty depressed today, and lacking any energy to do anything whatsoever. I helped out with the day somewhat...but all the yelling and arguing and blahblahblah...argh.

I said I wouldn't say anything more about it, but I wrote that letter about my thoughts and sent it to my ex. I don't know what effect it will have if any, but I needed to do it, and for her to know how I feel, or else I would regret never having said anything. Now I just feel more depressed, since that's what I've been thinking about all day.

Ok, guests have arrived.
ciao ciao, happy thanksgiving

End of another week

It is finally friday. These last two days I've been really tired, from getting up really early every morning...not used to it yet! I lead training rides for the team I'm on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 7 AM, so that's what is getting me out of bed. And on the other days I usually get up at around 8, which is highly unusual...I wake up and think 'wow...it is so early for me to be up on a day when I don't have to go biking somewhere'! It's a very strange feeling having all these extra hours in the morning. And last night I went bowling and drinking too, and was up WAY past my new bedtime!

Anyway, with all this extra time, I am getting a bit of extra work done at school, but somehow it is not proportional to how much longer I'm awake...gonna have to work on that. Maybe go to bed sooner? I think that would help with not being tired in the afternoon at work. That's the main problem...I end up needing a nap after lunch at school every day! What a waste of time. Then I try to think of the work at hand and I can't get anywhere, which, for finishing my masters with blazing colours is a pretty bad thing!

Another thing I learned today is that doing homework and working on Thanksgiving Weekend is not as bad as not having a pinky toe. Which I agree is quite true, and also it's much better than not having a big toe! But I have to say, eating turkey, potatoes, yams, cranberry sauce, and yummy desserts is much better than doing homework! Topping it off with lots of biking turns it into a nearly perfect weekend. The only thing missing is someone special to share it with...or someone special to go visit on such a perfect weekend.

Speaking of which, things are a lot better for me on that front. Finally the pain has gone away. Now I just think of her in nice ways, all the nice things we did, how cute she is, how much fun it was to be with her. I'm still sad it had to end, but I now understand and accept why it had to be this way, and I think I am over it. I only just wish I'd entered her life a year ago, so that it might have continued. So tomorrow I am going to send her a letter about stuff. She asked me a long time ago about the difference between like and love, and I am going to tell her my answer which I tried to do over the summer in a letter to her while she was on vacation, but it didn't make it in time.

I hope some time in the future we will live in the same city and can be a couple again. I think she was pretty perfect. And I love her. That is the end of talking about her in this blog.

Sunday's Race: bad

Had a race today. Once again, I didn't manage to sleep the night before. It's starting to be a habit. I really have no idea what to do about that. I think I will start by trying to sleep more regular 8 hours per night, instead of zero hours one night, and then 10 or 11 hours the next night, and then another zero hours, etc....probably not the best sleeping schedule. That will be my first experiment. If it doesn't work I will go to see a doctor.

I have a habit of trying weird experiments on myself. A couple years ago I thought maybe my permanent clogged nose was due to an allergy to milk...so I stopped eating all dairy. All the good it did me was take away the joy of pizza Monday's in Dynamics class. I still don't know why my nose was always clogged...I suspect dry air in my room at night. So maybe I will try to sleep underwater :P

Back to the race. Having not slept overnight, although I didn't feel horrible, I just couldn't focus. After the first lap I had a 12 minute space where I had NOOO power, and I was hitting everything. I started slow, then caught some people...then I took a wrong turn and they got back ahead. Then I caught them again, and proceeded to head straight into a large tree, thereby rewarding myself with a big charlie horse to the quad. Too bad it was near the end of the last lap, so I couldn't catch up again.

Overall though, it was still a fun day, the course was fun and fast, and for the first time since I've been racing on this team (6 years) we had good weather at this venue. It seems to have migrated to last weeks venue.

On the gf front, I've finally come to terms with the reason and logic behind the break up...Now I just miss her and think about her. Which is a lot better. Still sad, but better.

Cheers.